Buhari’s Northern Agenda Hits A Snag : We are better off when we are all better off. By Ena Ofugara.

Buhari's Northern Agenda Hits A Snag: We are better off when we are all better off.

By Ena Ofugara

It was supposed to be easy. The Ijaw man has been removed and Yoruba Tinubu curtailed. The Years of planning is gone. Now it is to execute and return the North to her pride of place and make "ALHAJI" and everything Northern KING AGAIN.  Yes! the Obasanjo and Goodluck years and progress of the southerner must be reversed. The Northernization Policy of Ahmahdu Bello is reborn.

It is easy.

1. Stop the killings in the North East. Grant Boko Haram members amnesty. negotiate with them and declare the Boko Haram war over, even without actual battles.

2. Take a loan of 2.1 billion dollars to develop the North East.

3. Set up a Northern something something commission and use the VAT of southerners, VAT from products like beer and whisky that Northerners refuse to allow sold, to develop the land.

4. Get Fulani grazing lands all over the nation. A little killing in Agatu and Enugu will make Nigerians so scared, they will be glad of the grazing lands to avoid their massacre.

5. Use "anti corruption" to ensure the moneys/capital of southern Nigerians are frozen and seized or hidden from use. With just Dasuki as bait, get all southerners he gave money, while leaving Hausa-Fulani and big guns of Yorubaland like Olu Falaye. With their rich men scampering, the southern economy dies.

6. Begin the appointments of Northerners. Bring them from retirement if need be. They must head it all.

7. Secretly employ Northern youths in CBN and everywhere.

8. Throw in weak Yorubas to have them shut up. Like a Kemi for instance, she can be bossed around. Have El Rufai close Mark the Yoruba Veepee. Not to worry about Igbos. They will sell their people over cheques that can bounce. Ask Ngige and Rochas. For the Niger Delta, closemark The CBN boss since we cannot just remove him. And Kachikwu, hmmm. You know he knows the job. We should just keep watch closely.

9. Stop them from getting dollars. Make sure only Dangote and neighbourhood Abokis find dollars. Once we truly control the dollars, we control the nation.

10. Kill the Niger Deltans and their militants. Stop the militant payments and security payments. This used to be Northern jobs taken now by locals. The security of the pipes and payment for it must return to the North. Oil is Fulani racket as pharmacy is Igbo racket and stock exchange Yoruba racket. Niger Deltans must realize the North owns the oil. Find and kill Tompolo. Use militants from the area to implicate Tompolo. We must control everything.

11. Elevate Sharia

12. Kidnap their girls, impregnate them and increase the Northern muslim population.

13. Kill anyone who gathers over BIAFRA. Keep Nnamdi Kanu in prison for no benefit whatsoever. It is not as if the man has an army to fight the nation. But just keep him in prison to help with the Northern erection. Yes. it is invigorating. It is viagra.

14. Whatever you do, get the people to say say SAI BUHARI and call him MR INTEGRITY even if nothing he has ever done in his life, from writing WAEC to taking coups, to losing billions in every office, be it NNPC boss or PTF boss, to employing only his tribesmen to refusing to publicly declare asset as promised, to not having a First Lady etc etc, shows he has no integrity at alllllll. Just always say SAI BABA. Say MR INTEGRITY.

Yes it was SUPPOSED to be easy.

1. But the Agatu and Enugu killings only turned people away from the grazing reserve.

2. Controlling the dollar meant international financial backers like JP Morgan etc left.

3. And what is dollar in Aboki's hand when the Igbo man cannot make a profit from the amount he is asked to buy it?

3. Finding Tompolo to kill has lost the nation billions of dollars and counting and the Niger Deltans seem more in support now of militancy than ever before. Now Nigerians realize just how important the region is and how brilliant Yar Adua and GEj were with their negotiations there. Aboki power is no longer super power.

4. And Biafra just won't go away

5. And Dangote finds there is no money to buy his flour and sugar and cement and everything else

6. And with all the Northerners in charge of customs etc, business there is plummeting. With old old old Audu Ogbe as Agric Minister, though not Northern but a good stooge anyway, tomato and everything agriculture has plummeted. Owning a big farm does not make one an agricultural expert.

7. And the increased poverty of the southerner is beginning to reflect on the Northerner too. There is no money to dash bambiallah. No boys are buying girls suya in evening strolls. If the girl does not want to do, she can go. What is kilishi? Is it the name of a kangaroo? Pay which Maiguard? Guard which property? Pls let thieves come. They may take pity and give us money. Enter which Okada? For how much? No worry, I will pray at home and send my offering to pastor. If I cannot trek to church, no church.

And so, while they think that finally Jonathan is out and they can take back their country, a few are already finding out that WE ARE BETTER OFF WHEN WE ARE ALL BETTER OFF.